This is a repost from July 25, 2009 . . .
I guess our next adventure will be
the Sarah Palin "Book Tour" . . .
I guess our next adventure will be
the Sarah Palin "Book Tour" . . .
Back in the day, before mortgages and babies, before three course meals and milk-filled breasts, back when it was completely normal to eat Spaghettio's three times a day and we actually had cable . . . we were slaves to live music. We would tramp around the country in my Dodge Caravan, venturing from festival to concert, looking for a good party and tripped out tunes.
Naturally, when we heard that Sarah Palin was embarking on a Farewell Tour, we knew that it would be the party of the century and HAD to get on board.
Of course, we were instantly faced with obstacles: tickets were nearly impossible to find, we hardly resemble Republicans, and the "scene" will cause us to stick out like a white cop at an NWA concert. But, oh, I had a plan . . . oh, yes . . . a divine and ingenious plan.
This photodocumentary is our eyewitness account of the
Sarah Palin Farewell Tour:
First and foremost, we had to recreate ourselves as undercover Republicans.
Not an easy task, but I had the perfect costumes . . .
NO, NO! Too obvious!!
This is much better . . .
Now we are ready to hunt for those tickets . . .
It was just as we expected-- Republicans everywhere!
We happened to park next to these young Palin supporters. I was hoping that my Dodge Caravan wouldn't blow our cover!
They were nice enough and told us that we should go to a place called "Shakedown Street" to find tickets. We only had $500 between the two of us and hoped that someone would be willing to take a bite!
As told, we strolled down to "Shakedown", looking for our tickets. We found people selling a lot of things-- unfortunately none of those things were tickets . . .
So, you can't find tickets, but you can find BALLOONS! Who knew that Republicans were so interested in having childlike fun?? These people must've been RICH Republican and not REDNECK Republican, because they were eager to buy 5 or more balloons at $5.00 a pop! Nuts!
The intensity of the seller in the black cap was making me very nervous. I think he suspected that the boy in the black shirt was an Undercover Democrat-- Yikes!!) . . .
Moving right along . . .
We made friends with these young gentlemen who were eager to preserve a stagnant America and they told us a horrible story about how the cops raided their car and took everything they had. I didn't tell them at the time . . . but it was probably because they looked so gay.
Needless to say, we bought them a veggie burrito and asked if they'd seen any tickets for sale. They gave us a tremendous heads up and told us to hang out by the entrance of the convention. Thanks guys, and good luck with sharing the DARE program here on Palin Tour!
And so we found the entrance.
We were not prepared for the amount of traffic OR the amount of competition looking for "Miracles" . . . Apparently a "Miracle" is a ticket that is given away-- for FREE-- WTF?????-- What were we thinking?? We were actually going to pay $500 when we could be getting in for free?? This in itself, absolutely discredited everything I'd ever thought about Republicans being frugal old men clutching at the last Benjamin in their pockets! I stand corrected.
We observed these young, stand-up Republicans in need of a ticket and hoped to replicate their performance.
Some had signs:
others used the "blaming method" (didn't work in second grade, not gonna work at a Conservative Republican Convention):
This girl said it was her birthday. I asked her how old she was and she stuttered for a moment-- then yelled,"SAGITTARIUS!!!". I'm still trying to make sense of this.
I am convinced that this guy was either hoping that someone would find pity on him for dying and therefore carry him into the show OR he was just playing dead . . . waiting, hunting . . . until that unsuspecting first timer walks by and NAB!!! He steals her ticket.
At any rate, we soon learned that the event was not sold out . . . Huh? Okay.
We bought two tickets at $7.50 each. So I'd say we are ahead of our game monetarily! Woo-hoo!
Finally, into the convention center and WHOA! Things are so far-right-winged inside that I am beginning to get uncomfortable. After all, I am not ready to shed my bra-- I just came for a good time, guys, that's all.
But the Republicans are taking "good time" to the next level. Brandon and I tried to blend in and not appear threatened.
Hey! There's $10.00 of balloon on that chest.
We pray for a soft, low-impact landing.
The crowd was getting anxious so we knew that Governor
Palin was about to make her grand appearance. Brandon and I were so stoked! We thought that Radiohead would be our last show-- what a let down that would have been!!
The girl next to me told me that she was preparing for the show by tuning in and dropping out. Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Tell me how that goes.
"NO, no, man. Look me in the eye, man, I'm talking something real and proper here." (she was talking something foreign and broken to me). "The experience is what it's all about, man, not what she says or what she's wearing, but, like, how you feel her-- how you connect with her soul-- right? You don't just act Republican, man, you BE Republican. You have to connect on a spiritual realm where your body and mind transcend all political views until you are, like, ONE . . . man. You gotta be tuned in to the energy around you. We all have energies that we share and give to others. That's all part of being Republican. Being able to Turn on, Tune In, and Drop Out, man. Tune into that energy and ride it with everyone else. Sarah will show us the way, man. Sarah has a message."
Okay.
She asked me if I would like to tune in to Sarah's message. Apparently she used a little sheet of paper called:
"Charlton Heston, man, this shit will rock your world."
I politely passed.
All at once, everyone screamed and the stage lit up!
Who knew that Sarah Palin had the kind of money to create a show like this??
Oh yeah, she's advertising on my blog.
The adoring Republicans were crazy for her. They screamed, some cried, men and women alike were shedding their clothes and throwing them on stage.
Brandon and I kept whispering, "Really? For Sarah Palin?"
We were a bit nervous when this Undercover was discovered and dragged behind black doors that led to who knows where . . . we bowed our heads and kept quiet from then on.
Finally, the beautiful Governor (or Ex-Governor??) took the stage as-cute-as-a-button! She wooed us with her native tongue and big balls. That's one cute gal, you betcha!
All in all, it was a great experience. I was more apprehensive than necessary. These Repubicans were just celebrating the political agenda of their hero. Cheering her on and wishing her best. Trying to get one last glimpse before her 2012 Reunion Tour.
In final retrospect, I enjoyed myself. I must say that I don't understand the system and really don't care to.
Because really, these Repubicans are CRAZY.
Even this poor guy that we passed on the way home.
Sarah Palin Farewell Tour:
First and foremost, we had to recreate ourselves as undercover Republicans.
Not an easy task, but I had the perfect costumes . . .
NO, NO! Too obvious!!This is much better . . .
Now we are ready to hunt for those tickets . . .It was just as we expected-- Republicans everywhere!
We happened to park next to these young Palin supporters. I was hoping that my Dodge Caravan wouldn't blow our cover!
They were nice enough and told us that we should go to a place called "Shakedown Street" to find tickets. We only had $500 between the two of us and hoped that someone would be willing to take a bite!As told, we strolled down to "Shakedown", looking for our tickets. We found people selling a lot of things-- unfortunately none of those things were tickets . . .
So, you can't find tickets, but you can find BALLOONS! Who knew that Republicans were so interested in having childlike fun?? These people must've been RICH Republican and not REDNECK Republican, because they were eager to buy 5 or more balloons at $5.00 a pop! Nuts!
The intensity of the seller in the black cap was making me very nervous. I think he suspected that the boy in the black shirt was an Undercover Democrat-- Yikes!!) . . .Moving right along . . .
We made friends with these young gentlemen who were eager to preserve a stagnant America and they told us a horrible story about how the cops raided their car and took everything they had. I didn't tell them at the time . . . but it was probably because they looked so gay.
Needless to say, we bought them a veggie burrito and asked if they'd seen any tickets for sale. They gave us a tremendous heads up and told us to hang out by the entrance of the convention. Thanks guys, and good luck with sharing the DARE program here on Palin Tour!And so we found the entrance.
We were not prepared for the amount of traffic OR the amount of competition looking for "Miracles" . . . Apparently a "Miracle" is a ticket that is given away-- for FREE-- WTF?????-- What were we thinking?? We were actually going to pay $500 when we could be getting in for free?? This in itself, absolutely discredited everything I'd ever thought about Republicans being frugal old men clutching at the last Benjamin in their pockets! I stand corrected.
We observed these young, stand-up Republicans in need of a ticket and hoped to replicate their performance.
Some had signs:
others used the "blaming method" (didn't work in second grade, not gonna work at a Conservative Republican Convention):
This girl said it was her birthday. I asked her how old she was and she stuttered for a moment-- then yelled,"SAGITTARIUS!!!". I'm still trying to make sense of this.
I am convinced that this guy was either hoping that someone would find pity on him for dying and therefore carry him into the show OR he was just playing dead . . . waiting, hunting . . . until that unsuspecting first timer walks by and NAB!!! He steals her ticket.
At any rate, we soon learned that the event was not sold out . . . Huh? Okay.
We bought two tickets at $7.50 each. So I'd say we are ahead of our game monetarily! Woo-hoo!
Finally, into the convention center and WHOA! Things are so far-right-winged inside that I am beginning to get uncomfortable. After all, I am not ready to shed my bra-- I just came for a good time, guys, that's all.
But the Republicans are taking "good time" to the next level. Brandon and I tried to blend in and not appear threatened.
Hey! There's $10.00 of balloon on that chest.
We pray for a soft, low-impact landing.
The crowd was getting anxious so we knew that Governor
Palin was about to make her grand appearance. Brandon and I were so stoked! We thought that Radiohead would be our last show-- what a let down that would have been!!
The girl next to me told me that she was preparing for the show by tuning in and dropping out. Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Tell me how that goes.
"NO, no, man. Look me in the eye, man, I'm talking something real and proper here." (she was talking something foreign and broken to me). "The experience is what it's all about, man, not what she says or what she's wearing, but, like, how you feel her-- how you connect with her soul-- right? You don't just act Republican, man, you BE Republican. You have to connect on a spiritual realm where your body and mind transcend all political views until you are, like, ONE . . . man. You gotta be tuned in to the energy around you. We all have energies that we share and give to others. That's all part of being Republican. Being able to Turn on, Tune In, and Drop Out, man. Tune into that energy and ride it with everyone else. Sarah will show us the way, man. Sarah has a message."
Okay.
She asked me if I would like to tune in to Sarah's message. Apparently she used a little sheet of paper called:
"Charlton Heston, man, this shit will rock your world."
I politely passed.All at once, everyone screamed and the stage lit up!
Who knew that Sarah Palin had the kind of money to create a show like this??
Oh yeah, she's advertising on my blog.
The adoring Republicans were crazy for her. They screamed, some cried, men and women alike were shedding their clothes and throwing them on stage.Brandon and I kept whispering, "Really? For Sarah Palin?"
We were a bit nervous when this Undercover was discovered and dragged behind black doors that led to who knows where . . . we bowed our heads and kept quiet from then on.Finally, the beautiful Governor (or Ex-Governor??) took the stage as-cute-as-a-button! She wooed us with her native tongue and big balls. That's one cute gal, you betcha!
All in all, it was a great experience. I was more apprehensive than necessary. These Repubicans were just celebrating the political agenda of their hero. Cheering her on and wishing her best. Trying to get one last glimpse before her 2012 Reunion Tour.
In final retrospect, I enjoyed myself. I must say that I don't understand the system and really don't care to.
Because really, these Repubicans are CRAZY.
Even this poor guy that we passed on the way home.
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