Dear Diary, I am just like Hiroshima. All 200,000 plus dead. Mostly innocent civilians. Yep, just like that.

1-9-98

My mother took my job.

My $6.25 an hour, come and leave as you please, stress-free job.

What a traitor! The worst part about it all was that she never told me that she was taking it. She "mentioned" that Al (my boss (ex-boss)) had "mentioned" it to her. Tonight my dad was cracking a joke and said, "So what do you think about your mom taking your job?" Of course, I said, "She didn't take my job!" I was thinking about how mean I was when SHE simply brought the subject up before. Then he said, "She already has!" As he laughed because I wasn't calling him scum, I began to associate myself with Hiroshima, Japan. My mother being the atomic bomb.

Why didn't she tell me?

Just this Tuesday, I was at the office and Al never even mentioned it. What a coward! What a traitor! He knows every minute, municipal detail of anything that I've done that my mother would not know. And guess when I told him? Tuesday.

Crap, I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I know it's just Satan trying to destroy me, but that doesn't make me feel less angry at Kelly and it doesn't get me my job back. She's in here now, trying to convince me that she hasn't done anything wrong-- she has! TRAITORS!!

And I'm supposed to go into work tomorrow, all nice and happy . . . I guess that'll take acting skills!

And yesterday at practice I asked Kelly to come to the bathroom because I wanted to tell her something, and she said, "No, I've got other things to do," or something to that effect, referring to waiting on Dylan. Well, I thought that Dylan had already left, because she said that he had left. Well sweet Donna said, "I'll go with you!" When we were in the bathroom, Donna told me, "Kelly just told me that every time she is supposed to do something with Dylan, you ask her to do something."

Oh yeah, I also jokingly said," Oh yeah, boyfriends are more important that best friends." Donna said that right after that Kelly said, "Well, yeah, they are." Brenda Walsh also told me that she heard Kelly say it.

Also, in Chemistry she's been such a smart-butt to me-- and so mean. But get this: only when Steve Sanders is around. Even in cheerleading today, she was doing it. Yeah, I have great friends, I know.

The worst thing is that I sit here and cry and think that if Valerie were here that things would be so different. While practicing the to thine on self be true dish, I have to admit that she was a pretty sorry friend at times, too. I don't think that there are any true friends in the world.

Jesus is the only true friend that I have. Yes, Jesus loves me . . .

God has amazing things to teach me when I actually listen. I was just sitting here, crying, and I opened my bible to read: Psalm 30:5: For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." God is telling me that everything will be okay when I wake up tomorrow. Thank you, God.




(dear diary posts are actual journal entries from my fifteen year old ego. how embarrassing.)
(some of the names have been changed to protect teenage innocence.)